


The Unfortunate Circumstance called Reincarnation

by Balloon_ROYALTY



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Earth C, F/F, Flashbacks, Future Eridan Ampora/Sollux Captor, Lusus abuse (Past and implied), Minor Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Minor Roxy Lalonde&Rose Lalonde, Minor Roxy Lalonde/Calliope/Jane Crocker, Multi, PTSD, Reincarnation, There are gonna be more characters but I'm bullshitting this so I don't know which ones yet., Trauma, real objects with jpeg qualities
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-01-21 07:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12452856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Balloon_ROYALTY/pseuds/Balloon_ROYALTY
Summary: Eridan Ampora didn't want to be alive. He didn't want the memories of what had happened to flood back to him, but he wasn't given much of a choice. It's hard to forget when your killer is a goddess. It's even harder when she and her girlfriend seem to avoid your name like the plague.





	1. The Unfortunate Circumstance of Eridan's Schoolfeedingmates

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [it's a short comic it doesn't really have a name](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/331425) by maidofsalt.tumblr.com. 



**Reader: Be Eridan**

You hated it.  
You hated when you ended up like this, your hands gripping at your hair and even threatening to rip it out.  
You slid down the ablutionblock wall as their laughter played over and over in your mind. It was far from making you crack a grin- though perhaps your grimace could be mistaken for one.

It was stupid, the way they treated you. You weren't the first to break down in class. Hell, you weren't even the most frequent!  
You cussed under your breath as the memories came flooding back, like some sort of cruel tidal system.  
You weren't the most frequent- not until recently, anyway.

It couldn't be helped. You were six sweeps old. Although you were well used to using years with thirteen and a half spent on Earth C, you'd found yourself defaulting to the former recently.

Perhaps it was because, for so long, it had been natural to say it. People asking your age wasn't rare in the bubbles. An insensitive question, sure, but far from uncommon.  
You cringed harshly in on yourself as you recalled why you'd grown so used to it, and one of the hands clutching at your hair went to your torso, to feel over where she had ended your first life.

It wasn't long before you found out that was far from your last. You still had the bubbles to go, and after that had been the torment that was Erisolsprite. Once that timeline was well and truly fucked, you'd been shuffled back into the bubbles. You weren't sure whether to call that a return to a previous life or a fourth life. You'd thought it was over when the void drew you in. Finally, after all those sweeps, you could cease to be.

You could still remember your dismay from when you first gained consciousness. It had been a few days since you pupated. You were suspicious over how familiar it felt. If you'd left it at that and forgotten, perhaps you wouldn't be in the situation you were now.

You were forced back into reality as the bell rang. Fuck, how long were you out for? Dragging yourself up from the ground, you washed your hands before heading out to your locker to grab your things. You ignored the other students. Some of them were too similar-looking to the Creators for your own good. They didn't bother you in their rush to get hive. You couldn't blame them. You thought you'd gotten away without being bothered, before you felt a hand on your shoulder. The temperature was far warmer than your own, and far warmer than any healthy human's or carapacian's. If this was Alternia...

However much you wished you were back there (so you could kick the rustbucket behind you's ass), you weren't. You had to deal with this asshole. You paused for a moment, turning over your options in your head. "£ins, i£ you know what's good £or you, you'll look sharp." So you did. You shot a sharp glare up behind you. It was enough to make him cringe long enough for you to slap his hand away, shut your locker, and fucking bolt for it.


	2. The Unfortunate Circumstances Regarding The Location Of Kanaya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan sees just who he doesn't want to, and he knows she saw him too.

**Reader: Be the running six sweep old**

You let yourself stop running about halfway down the street outside your school, slowing to a walk as you panted lightly. You were glad you'd gotten out of that situation. You could feel yourself edging on another breakdown when you felt just how close the temperature was to yellow and you... couldn't.

If you were to break down, you wanted to do it alone. Not at home or schoolfeeding. Your carapacian carer (bless her heart, you called her mother and she was much better than Seahorsedad had been) had been overly concerned last time. You know she had good reason to be, but you didn't want her asking questions. You didn't want to talk about it.

Now that you were six, it was difficult not to remember what happened last time you were this age. The memories came painfully and with little warning. You strained to think of what had set you off in class today. Was it the lipstick the human next to you was applying? Or perhaps the breathy mention of a prince set to save them all, of a failed prophecy and a humiliation. You knew that if it was the latter, it was all inside your head again.

You paused as you came to the street corner, checking for cars before you crossed the road, going back to staring ahead absently while you thought.

Oftentimes, you'd thought of contacting Karkat. Then you'd remember how much he hated you, wanted you dead, and knew you could speak to none of them ever again. You'd thought about speaking to Kanaya, apologizing, but you didn't want to risk repeating your previous demise. You didn't want to risk breaking down in front of any of them either.

You pressed the button at the traffic light as you waited idly, clasping your hands together. Once you had the go ahead, you crossed again, staring out at the water.

Perhaps more than you wanted to speak to them, you wondered if they had ever wanted to again. You knew and you knew that Sollux knew that they'd miss him. They'd miss Vriska- wherever she'd fucked off to anyway- despite how much worse she was than you. It was a bitter thought in the back of your mind. She'd killed far more than you. You couldn't understand why she'd been given forgiveness.

Not once, in yours and Sollux's shared conciousness, did it occur to either of you that they might miss Eridan Ampora, the prince of fucking everything up. And you guessed that only backed up what you'd thought originally.

You paused as you saw a dense crowd ahead of you. You could go back, sure, or you could weave your way through. You weren't sure what they were all there for anyway. As far as you knew, there were no major events. And yet, there were enough people to fill the air with a faint buzzing sound with all their chatter. Narrowing your eyes, you took a few steps forward, trying to see what the fuss was about. You pushed past some consort of some sort, muttering an apology as you made your way closer to the point of interest.

You didn't realize who it was at first. You thought perhaps it was just another troll in the crowd. Until you saw the horns, and the sash that used to be your cape. You felt your stomach turn with disgust and fear as you were jostled by the crowd, quickly glancing around to try to find a way out. You were sure you met her eyes for a moment, and you barely noticed your hands clasping over your waist as you broke eye contact quickly, turning around to try to leave before she recognized you. You couldn't tell whether she followed you or not- the crowd seemed neverending, and their footsteps blended with their cheerful chatter. They were all happy with her. You weren't, and that was entirely your fault. You sped up slightly once you got out of the densest part of the crowd, glancing back to see jade eyes on you. Panicked, and not wanting any form of confrontation, you again bolted. You felt as though you might throw up.

**Reader: Be the troll wearing Eridan's cape for a sash.**

You smiled as you waved to your adoring subjects, squeezing Rose's hand a bit tighter. You weren't used to crowds after so long of living first in a desert, and then on a meteor, so her assistance was essential. You'd managed to adjust somewhat, with her help. "Once Were Done Here We Ought To Go For Tea" You smiled at your wife as you spoke. You hadn't once regretted taking part in the human tradition of marriage with her. Rose pretended to mull it over for a moment, nodding. "That sounds lovely, dear. I trust you brought your own- ah, sweetener?" You nodded, and were thrilled when she seemed to giggle. "How long were you planning this, then?" You sighed, glad to escape from the buzz of the crowd into a conversation with your beloved. "Quite A Time"

Unfortunately, you had to leave it at that, as an adorable nakodile girl soon came up to you and tugged on your skirt. Her parents looked half mortified that she'd gone further into the crowd on her own.  
"My mommy wants to know if you're going to stay this time?" Rose, fortunately, spoke for you. "Of course. You don't want to know what would happen if we left." Or perhaps it was unfortunate. The poor kid looked scared. You bent down, nodding. "We Intend To" You smiled more softly, standing up straight again as you sent her off back to her parents.

You dropped Rose's hand a second later, staring into the crowd. Your eyes had been caught on far-too-familiar wavy horns, and you took a moment to reassure yourself. He couldn't be here. It couldn't have been him. Still, you couldn't shake the feeling. "Dear?" You had been about to respond before you saw grey eyes behind thick-framed glasses staring directly into yours. He looked just like him. And worse, while others in the crowd looked happy or excited, he only looked scared.

As soon as he saw you looking back, he turned on his heel and began pushing through the crowd. Blinking away a shocked expression, you muttered a brief excuse to Rose. "Give Me A Second" before you set off after him. Halfway through the crowd, you lost him. Questions were running through your head as you clutched your lipstick, searching the crowd once again. Wait, your lipstick? You hadn't realized you had decaptchalogued it. No wonder Rose was worried. You were about to turn back when you caught sight of him glancing toward the crowd. He took a moment, but soon ran for it. You couldn't say you blamed him. There was no point to following him at the moment, so you made a mental note to ask Roxy to search through the databases for an Eridan Ampora, as you turned back to Rose, stepping onto the conjured podium again.

"Rose I Believe We Have A Problem"


	3. The Unfortunate Circumstances In Finding Eridan Ampora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose and Kanaya enlist the help of Roxy in an attempt to find the Eridan lookalike.

**Reader: Be the panicked jadeblood**

"Problem?" Rose asked softly, gently taking your lipstick from you. You could tell she knew you were panicked, and your ears twitched before you nodded. "I Believe It Would Be Best We Left For Now"   
Your eyes flitted back to where Eridan had run to momentarily. If he was here, you had to find him. And fuck, if he was here, and he remembered, who's to say the others weren't. Maybe even Vriska was, you thought with a smile. Terezi would be glad to see her again, whenever she got back. The smile wasn't in the least caused by your own memories of affections for the girl.

Or maybe it was.

You passed the smile off as a goodbye, as Rose brought you both back to your comfortable home. You pressed a kiss to her cheek, careful not to let the lipstick rub off on her. It didn't make your anxiety less obvious.

"Kanaya, you're tense. What's wrong?"   
You let Rose settle you down onto the couch. After you had a moment to adjust, you shook your head, ignoring the lump in your throat. He was only six...

"I Saw Somebody I Should Not Have" You raised a hand to rub the side of your head slightly, to rid yourself of the slight headache that had risen. You let your walls fall slightly for her, like you always did. "He Was Meant To Be Dead Rose"

She seemed to tell, like she always could, that you were tripping yourself up on things you shouldn't even feel guilty about anymore. She leaned forward slightly to rub your back and comfort you. It felt as though she was about to hug you, but the mood wasn't quite right. If she was to, you would have to initiate it.

"Would you mind telling me who?" Rose sighed. It was clear that she already had an idea of who it was. You allowed yourself to make it into a hug, placing her free hand around your waist (and taking back your lipstick to captchalogue it) and letting your own hands rest just above her hips. After a moments' silence, you spoke. "It Was"   
You took a moment here. Ever since that day, it had been hard to say his name, despite the amount of time that had passed. "Fuck" You made sure you were thinking clearly before you spoke. "It Was Eridan"

Rose hesitated, furrowing one of her eyebrows while she thought. You could tell it wasn't because she was mad at you. You'd memorized her expressions inside and out. She was your flush, your diamond and your spades. She would be your third leaf if she was able, and you would be to her as well.

Finally, she spoke. "I can't outrule it, strange as it is- strange as it seems." She corrected herself. We had been through far too many strange events to catagorize a simple reappearance among them. You paused. Normally, you would ask Sollux for help. But Sollux hadn't been able to since you were both thirteen and you knew that. You didn't even know if he was alive or half alive anymore. The thought wasn't entirely useless, however, as it inspired an idea in you. "How About We Ask Roxy For Help" You offered. "If His Name Remains Unchanged We May Find Him In The Database"

Rose (also known as the love of your life) took a moment, almost surprised at herself for overlooking something so simple. "Of course. We could try." She smiled gently at you, leaning up to press a soft kiss to your lips. You returned it, enjoying it for the moment it lasted before she pulled back, almost forgetting to wipe your green lipstick off her lips (the one you only wore so it would leave a mark). She pulled out her laptop a moment later, pulling back from the hug and leaning against you as she messaged Roxy.

\-- tentacleTherapist began pestering tipsyGnostalgic! --

TT: Are you there?

TG: oh yea

TG: so whats up

TG: whats the haps 

TT: We were wondering if you could track someone down for us.

TT: He might go by the name of Eridan Ampora.

TG: oh fuck 

TT: What?

TG: ur kidding 

TG: an ampora 

TG: lets hope hes not as bad as the other dude 

TT: Oh. The one Porrim called Cronus.

TG: UGH 

TG: dont make me remember him 

TG: to hELL w/ him

TG: anyways yea ill track down ur fishy friend 

TT: He's not my friend.

TG: ur fishy dude 

TG: ill let u kno if i get anything mom x2 

TT: Please don't call me that.

TG: lol 

TT: But, thank you. Unless there's something else you want to talk about, I'll go?

TG: ur fine 

TG: go smooch ur gf or something 

TG: thats what u were doing right 

TG: *wonk* 

\-- tipsyGnostalgic ceased pestering tentacleTherapist! -- 

TT: I believe I will.

\-- tentacleTherapist ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic! --


	4. The Unfortunate Skill of Roxy Lalonde

**Reader: Be the permanently exhausted fish**

You panted as you leaned against the wall in your respiteblock, letting mother assume what she would whenever she came to check your door to find it locked. Perhaps you would address the issue. You doubted it, though. For now, you let your thoughts run free, talking to yourself under your breath in an attempt to process the influx of new information.

"so she saww me"   
You let out a huff of air. You knew that wasn't the worst of it.  
"she saww me an she followwed me an shes goin to discovver me and"   
Your breath hitched, and you scowled. It wasn't an unusual expression for you. Especially not recently, with so many unwelcome memories stirred up by your age.

"and shes goin to kill me"  
You let yourself get the thought out of your head. It was impossible not to panic right now. The best you could do, you decided, was fake cluelessness. Maybe they'd decide you were worthy of living if you didn't remember. You knew for a fact that they wouldn't want you alive if they knew otherwise.

After a good two minutes, you forced yourself over to your computer. What if they tracked you down while you were using it? What if they messaged you? You decided to ignore the overwhelming feeling of doom for now in favor of logging into Vriskagram.

That's right.  
Vriskagram.

You'd known for a long time she'd had an ego and a half, but you didn't think others would support it. And you certainly didn't think they'd name other media platforms after themselves after.

You were wrong, naturally. You never really knew any of them. Anything you considered friendship or even something short of it was far lesser than your mind made it seem. It wasn't for lack of trying on their part, so much as yours. And now, again, you were actively trying to push them away from you. The irony struck you in such a way that it left you slightly amused.

There were no messages for you on Vriskagram, aside from the usual comments on your pictures. There were bad ones occasionally, sure, but in general people weren't such dicks on social media here as they were on Alternia. Threats to cull were a lot less potent, and when they were made the effect was largely lost. You were glad for that.

You sighed softly, not entirely relieved. Perhaps Kanaya hadn't found you yet, or merely decided you weren't worth acting on. Neither option was particularly appetizing in your opinion.

You drew yourself up slightly, taking a moment before deciding to switch to your palmhusk so you could use the app as intended. You posed for a photo, but paused before you took it. Say it became popular. Say people started spreading it. Say it became trackable. In the end, you decided you'd rather not risk it at all. You locked the app, going back to your computer to shit around in some online game instead.

**Reader: Be the awesome hacker girl**

You'd done it.  
Okay, so maybe you were only halfway to finding anything out about this Ampora dude, but it counted for something, right? You'd confirmed his existence, but for dear sweet Rosey, you'd go the extra mile. Even if the sentiment was only for shits and giggles.

You did a quick search for images similar to his most recent identification, and you were pleasantly surprised when you were almost immediately met with a match. You honestly couldn't believe he was obtuse enough to upload the same photo he used for ID.

Or- you wouldn't be able to believe it, had it not occurred to you that he likely never thought anyone would look for him. Nobody had mentioned him much before. Until he was spotted, there would be little reason for him to go under the radar.

You clicked on the photo, to be met with a... rather boring Vriskagram profile. The guy only took photos of himself and his coffee, and even then not even daily. After scouring his profile for any links to other form of social media (and copying down information from those, of course) you opened Pesterchum to message Rose.

\-- tipsyGnostalgic started pestering tentacleTherapist! --

TG: k so

TG: i found him


	5. The Unfortunate Disturbance of Past Trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya needs to stop stirring up things she knows that hurt her.

**Reader: Be the awesome blood-drinker girl**

You leaned over Rose's shoulder slightly once she beckoned you, raising an eyebrow at the message you saw. It wasn't until she placed your hand in hers that you realized you had frozen up. You frowned. Roxy had found him? So soon? It was either too good or too awful to believe. "Rose Ask Her To Send Screenshots Or Links I Need To Confirm This" You paused. "Please"

Rose, of course, didn't need a plea from you to nod in agreement. "Of course."  


TT: Kanaya would like to see evidence.

TT: Not because she doubts you, but in case it's an odd coincidence.

TG: right right

TG: look up overseafixation

TT: So he's at least shed the handle?

TG: ya but it doesn't look like hes shed anything else lolll.

TG: wait how did you know the dudes handle

TT: Let's not talk about this.

TG: spill

TT: No.

TT: We would both rather pass on this subject.

TG: oh

TG: rite i gotcha

TG: hes on vriskagram btw in case it was unclear

TT: Thank you for your help. I'll be back.

\-- tentacleTherapist ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic! --

Rose glanced to the right at you, holding the stare as if silently asking permission. You nodded, your lips pursed as she opened a new tab in Typheus, clicking on the shortcut she had to Vriskagram. You let yourself reflect on memories as she briefly scrolled through her profile briefly. Roughly half of the photos were of you and her engaging in displays of affection and the rest was almost entirely the sorts of pictures one might expect to see on a cryptid conspiracy site. You could remember one vividly- the time she'd taken a picture of Karkat tangled in Dave's cape and the time she had decided to upload it years later with the title 'Our Almighty Leader'. The thought, however, was punctuated by a grim blankness on your thinkpan's part, as you unknowingly gripped what had once been the high collar of Eridan's cape.

You shook your head, letting yourself focus on what Rose was typing into the search. As expected, his profile was quick to appear. You let your claws dig slightly into the hard rim of the collar, almost piercing it if not for the restraint you kept. You had already seen his face again, already confirmed it was him. But you didn't stop her from clicking on the profile, scrolling through the pitifully short rows of pictures. It struck you that he hadn't had the time all of you had had to get everything together. He'd been left to stagnant in the bubbles until he was thrown straight back into it and it was _your fault_.

There was hardly anything alluding to what had happened. "Does this seem familiar?" It dully occurred to you that Rose had been waiting for feedback that you had not supplied. You forced a nod. "Yes It Does In Fact" You frowned. As much as you'd hated him, as much as you hated the memory of what had happened, you had the overpowering urge to know what he'd been doing. To see if he remembered, if nothing else. "There Isnt Much How About We Click Through The Gallery From The Start" Rose's expression was dangerously close to unamused as she clicked on the earliest image. You knew she didn't have the highest opinion of him. You didn't either, you couldn't blame her for it in the least. You almost didn't know why you were doing this. Except you did, and you knew it was because you sought closure on what had happened so long ago.

There wasn't anything too interesting for quite a time. In fact, over half of the photos weren't even captioned. You could have grown bored of it, if not for the little tidbits of information you managed to pick up where they were. As an image flashed onto the screen, you tensed up, petting Rose's wrist urgently. "Wait Stop Here"

The image itself wouldn't be too remarkable if it was anyone else. He was laying back on what you could only assume to be his bed, the frame of the photo only including part of his chest and his waist. His arm was laid across his waist, and the claws of that hand threatened to tear at his shirt right where you had begun the wound that had parted the two halves of his body. The photo was captioned simply, though it was better than not at all. "wwaists smartin real bad again if this incessant sting could hurry up an piss off already i could go about my day but no"

You hesitated. You hadn't very well explained to Rose what had happened. Neither of you had wanted to deal with it, and that was fine. You had set it aside until now. "Kanaya? You're shaking. Are you alright?" You blinked, biting at the inside of your lip and clenching your hands into fists in order to stop shaking. "We Should Have Gone Over This More" You muttered, glancing off to the side. "It Would Have Been A Lot Fucking Easier To Talk About By Now" Rose hesitated. You knew that neither of you were any good at dealing with emotional luggage. You supposed it wouldn't hurt to leave it a little longer.

"... Do you want to message him?" Though simple, what she said left you stunned. "I can do it for you, if you want." Again, you prevented yourself choking up. You knew it was fine to cry, but at present it would only get in the way. "Thank You" you mumbled, instead sliding down slightly to press the side of your face to her arm. She smiled softly, before sighing and focusing on the message at hand. "I'll tell him to meet us, alright?" You nodded slightly, letting her handle it. You were past certain at this point that any suggestion her mind, untouched by the current subject of trauma, wouldn't prevent her taking rational action.

You were thankful for her.


	6. The Unfortunate Nightmares of Eridan Ampora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan needs to stop sleeping with his phone right next to him smh.

**Reader: Be overseaFixation**  
Who's that? You only know yourself as Eridan Ampora.

You shuddered as you woke up in an all-too-familiar hive, in an all-too-familiar block. You raised a hand to your head, wincing at the twinge of pain before you jolted up to observe your surroundings. As expected, nothing had changed. Your book was still open and on the ground where you'd left it that night. Your lusus' blood still seemed fresh against the boards of your hive's wall, despite how long it had been.

Was it a dream? It didn't seem like it. You got off your couch (why did you fall asleep there?), quickly noting that you were missing your cape and scarf. Great. Just what you needed. Needing to confirm it to yourself, you strode over to your thermal hull and pulled it open. You'd never been able to taste in your dreams.  
You hissed as a pile of shitty wands fell onto you. You'd forgotten about those.

Once you managed to grapple your way out of the merciless pile, you took a moment to get your shit together. Chances were you were on LOWAA. And if that was the case, you needed your crosshairs right fucking now. You stood up, almost immediately spotting them a few paces to your right. You reached out.

Suddenly, it was half a wand. Everything was dark. If you listened closely, you could hear something buzzing, something buzzing as intensely as...  
You couldn't think about it right now. Your mind was racing, overflowing with memories that felt wrong to have in the first place.

Whether for better or worse, your thoughts were cut off first by that feeling of buzzing at your waist, and then by the intense pain and continued buzzing that followed. You felt your eyes open wide before you squeezed them tight shut and...

You opened your eyes. Your palmhusk was buzzing insistently by your waist, the screen glowing with some insignificant Vriskagram alert. You blinked the tears away, groaning softly as you sat up. Your phone had stopped buzzing by now, and before you could read the message, the screen faded to black. For now, you didn't bother unlocking it again. You would rather not deal with the drama typical of social media for now.

You nearly bit through your tongue when it buzzed again. Despite the hour and despite your inclinations to leave whoever the fuck it was unanswered, you picked up your phone and read the message displayed on your screen. Once you had, you felt your pusher sink to your toes.

"tentacleTherapist sent you a message."  
"tentacleTherapist sent you a message."  
"tentacleTherapist liked your photo."

Fuck. So you had been found, and not even by Kanaya. You hesitated before swiping to the left on the notification and typing in your password. You waited for it to load, your pusher feeling like it was beating out of your chest. You felt like you were going to die.

So this is where you are. I can't pretend I expected to see you again, or for that matter to seek you out. Nonetheless, I'm here to ask you to meet us.

After some debating with Kanaya, we've decided it would be most convenient if we brought you to our own home. Meet us at the Shitty Statue of Liberty on Monday at nine AM.

You could practically feel the nerves through the message. Was she nervous, or furious? You could never tell. Not even with people you used to consider close to you. You had no valid reason to turn her down, unfortunately. You lived rather close to the statue, and you had nothing planned for Monday. How she knew either of these things was a mystery. You almost didn't respond, but you didn't want her to message you again.

oh

You couldn't tell yourself whether the two letter response was some sort of petty revenge or just a result of the confusion and fear on your end. You locked your palmhusk, glancing back to the rest of your block. It looked nice in the dark. It was familiar if nothing else. You had lived here your whole life, and you didn't want to leave it behind. Through your tired daze, the full gravity of the situation finally hit you. You froze up where you knelt, slumping slightly.

You were going to die again. You were going to die again and there was nothing you could do about it because if you tried to avoid them they'd track you down and find you and the punishment would be even worse for not accepting the fate you well deserved. You wiped your eyes on your sleeve, remembering your prior plan.

You had to bullshit it. Pretend like you didn't remember. Which meant-- such a halfassed response to a Creator couldn't and wouldn't do. Just like everyone else, you were meant to hold an unwavering admiration for them. Sighing, you picked up your palmhusk.

okay ill go for sure but i mean i dont knoww wwhat youre messagin me for or wwhat youre goin on about clue me in on wwhat you mean by again

If your luck ran gold, she'd tell you to forget about it.

You don't remember?

wwhats there to remember

Consider this your first lesson in showmanship.

WWAIT NO

Great, you'd blown it.

I knew it.

fuck


	7. "The Unfortunate Color Of His Blood"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan properly arranges to meet up with Rose, and Kanaya makes a stupid mistake while she's half asleep. Why does she even sleep. She's a vampire, she doesn't need sleep.

**Reader: Be the fucking idiot**

You grimaced as you recalled where she'd last said it, and how she knew it would work. It had been before she blew up your computer, correct? And now you'd automatically given the reaction you would have if allowed the time.  
Man, this sucked.

alright so you got me wwhat the fuck do you wwant from me

I've already told you.

you didnt describe jack shit

wwhat do you expect me to just showw up wwith no gist a wwhats goin on i might as wwell sign up for a free ticket to the afterlife noww

Don't be ridiculous. We're not going to kill you.

so somethin wworse then

You could feel your hands shaking too much to type easily. At this point, you were certain you were getting no more sleep, and so you stood up, moving over to your computer to sit there instead. You kept holding your phone as the computer started, the screen almost welcoming if not for the knowledge of what you'd have to continue on the other side. You glanced over to the time. Four in the morning wasn't such a bad time to wake up. You would be fine without the cold sweat, but some things just couldn't be controlled.

No, nothing worse. Believe me when I say that we harbor little ill intent toward you. Nothing worth acting on, at the least.

so youll do it as soon as im not useful anymore

From what I've heard, you're the only one who would do that.

That hit you hard. You took a moment, to respond, grimacing. She wasn't _wrong_ , not at all. Back then, you thought of relationships of all types as only a way to gain. At every turn, you used and expected to be used by others. You hadn't learned better until the hellfusion you underwent with Captor- and even after that, you'd struggled. You glanced up as the computer finally opened properly, clicking on the browser so you could message Lalonde more easily.

wwhatll you do if i dont showw up

I'm sure you won't be hard to track down.

wwhat

Don't pretend you can't read, now.

It was hard. It was hard and she didn't understand. Nobody did. You severely doubted anyone on the planet could possibly understand what you were going through- what you _had_ gone through, haunted by the ghost of your revenge both given and served, and forced by your own mind to retreat in situations that should have been tame. _They_ had all had time to recover. You supposed, that when you met them, they'd make it abundantly clear that it was your fault that you hadn't been able to in the limited window you had.

so ill havve to go then wwhos comin

Just Kanaya and myself.

_Kanaya_. It was even worse when it was typed out by that semi-familiar lilac, and you ran a hand through your messy hair as you tried so hard not to give in to the memories that felt as though they dragged down your every movement. It was almost as bad as the feeling of being surrounded by water, by the feeling of being crushed from all sides at a depth you could no longer comprehend. You had never gone that deep, sure, but the nightmares you'd had were haunting enough to inform you that you did not want to either.

alright ill be there

Good. Three days.

You leaned back on your chair, trying to keep breathing properly. You only had three days. She had told you that you would be fine, and yet her reassurance felt more like a threat. After a moment caught up in your own thoughts, you swallowed thickly, pushing yourself up on your desk. If you were going to get up this early, you might as well eat before your stomach had time to protest. Once you'd made it to your respiteblock door, you paused, hand on the handle. Were you presentable? Would you be alright with mother seeing you like this? You reaffirmed to yourself that she would not be awake, _it was fucking four in the morning_ , before turning the handle.

You made it as far as the stairs before the pain wrapped around and enveloped your waist again. You nearly doubled over, gripping the banister a bit too hard in your attempt to stay upright. You were glad it was made of metal-- it only bent slightly, rather than cracking. And that was easy to fix.

"Eridan?"

**Reader: Ponder your options**

That's a lot of pondering.

**Reader: Be Erisolsprite's other half**

You can't do that! He'll enter the story when he's ready, and no sooner.

**Reader: Fine, go back to Kanaya ******

You cracked your eyes open as you woke up, your head pulsing slightly. Headaches were unwelcome and seldom bothered you. As of late, you'd only been getting them when you ran out of.  
Um.  
You know.

You nudged Rose's body to check if she was awake. When she didn't stir, you sat up on your own, cradling your head with one hand as you walked to the kitchen. You knew exactly where you kept the blood, and half asleep, you reached toward the cupboard to grab a bottle at random. Sure, it had different flavors, but as long as you didn't get one particularly bitter, you didn't care which one you got.

Without bothering to look at the color, you unscrewed the top and tipped it bottoms up, letting the color and flavor run over your fangs and tongue. It was a nice taste, really. Almost sour, and yet unmistakably sweet. Just like a plum.

You nearly choked at the realization, wiping your mouth as you glanced down at the bottle. It was _vi_ _olet._ Of course it was. Normally, it would barely bother you. You would wash it down with water (so as not to bother Rose when you next kissed- or perhaps got more intimate than that, even) and go about your day. Today was different though, and it wasn't hard to see why. You cringed inwardly as you remembered what he'd done- what you'd done, and it only got worse as you recalled what you'd done with the corpse.

Your lips coated in violet, you had savored the flavor and gotten as much of his color as you could, at every opportunity. You'd drained him completely. You wouldn't blame him if he hated you, and in fact, you were certain that he did.

_Rose,_ you needed Rose now.

You knew it wasn't healthy to rely on her as much as you did.

And yet, it didn't stop you nearly staggering back to the bedroom, leaning over to shake her shoulder slightly.

"Rose"

You paused as she didn't immediately wake up. You barely took a moment to think that maybe the sight of you with violet dripping down your lips may be far from an appetizing one, before pleading again.

"Rose Please"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha, I'm sorry, it looks like the next chapter's going to be ANOTHER rosemary comfort chapter. Why the fuck do I keep doing this, this isn't even as relevant to the PLOT.


	8. The Fortunate Support of Respective Family Members

**Reader: Kanaya's freaking out too much, be Rose**

You squeezed your eyes shut as you felt your shoulder being gripped and shaken. It didn't take long for you to deduce that it was not, in fact, your drunken mother, but your darling wife, trying to force you awake. Her words sounded as though they were echoing through a tunnel long before they got to you, and thus, you were a moment late to respond to her plea. You breathed out slowly as you sat up, glancing toward her with only the most supportive smile you could manage while half asleep. "Dear?" 

You felt your expression falter as your eyes drifted to her lips, normally painted with jade, and yet crudely covered in a dripping violet. It took no time at all for you to understand, and your heart missed several beats before you leaned down to her desperate form, to comfort her. You knew you weren't good at this sort of thing, and you were only grateful that she responded so well despite it. You ran a hand through her hair. "It's okay. You don't have to feel bad about this shit anymore."

The noise that next came from her only made you pity her more. It was similar to a choked sob. You lifted her chin, touching your forehead to hers. "It happened so long ago, Kanaya. You were only a child." She seemed comforted for a moment, but after another, her condition only worsened. "He Was Only A Child As Well Rose" She gritted her teeth to the point that her fangs dug into her bottom lip, and you stroked along her bottom jaw in an attempt to relax her so she would not bleed. "He Was Only A Child And Yet I Held Him More Than Wholly Responsible For The Crap He Did For So Many Sweeps"

You shushed her gently, pulling away only slightly to kiss at her forehead. "Of course. He was just as responsible for his actions as the rest of you were. It is really only fair." You were slightly alarmed when she shook her head, glancing off to the side slightly. "I Didnt Think The Same Of Vriska And She Was Just As Bad And I Was Even Less Harsh To Gamzee" You thought you understood. She felt torn up about it. You sighed, rubbing the thumb in her hair idly over the base of her horn in an attempt to comfort her further. "You were frustrated. I know. It's okay." 

You yourself were frustrated that all you could do was comfort her. You could kill for her, plead with the gods of the furthest ring for her- you could do so much for her, but she didn't  _need_ any of that. "It's okay to hold a grudge," You continued. "it isn't as though he was blameless, either." "He Almost Trusted Me" "And I'm sure you felt the same toward him." You could feel her pause, then, as though it cast a grim weight over everything in the immediate area.

"I Expected Him To Snap But I Expected To Stop Him Sooner" Her breath hitched, and your hand that wasn't preoccupied in her hair immediately went down to rub her back. "I Let Him Have The Weapon Because I Thought He Was Useless I Led Him To Do It Instead Of Helping Then Blamed" You watched her tear fall, before pulling her closer. You didn't even care that it got violet blood on your clothes. Her chest heaved, and you nuzzled up against her, trying to calm her down. "You were all children, Kanaya. You can't say he was innocent on that front, either. Again, I'm sure he'll understand." 

She really did seem to calm down then, nodding slowly. You sighed softly in relief.

"And Im The Reason Hes Still A Child Now"

At least she wasn't crying so much anymore. There was less heaving, and more silent tears. You moved your own head up, and lifted hers slightly from its bowing position, kissing over the tear tracks. "We all made mistakes. Some were a lot worse than others. It was fucked up. It'll be okay, dear. You'll be okay." You wished you could promise that he would, but... Well, you couldn't. You would only be promising for her sake, too. It would be nothing short of hollow.

"You Think"

"Of course."

**Reader: Switch back to Eridan-- who said his name?**

You knotted your hands together as you sat across the table from mother. You could feel her concerned glare on you, and you didn't dare look up. Not because she'd do anything bad but, she'd ask, and you didn't want to answer right now.

"Eridan. Answer the question." 

In fact, she already had. You could imagine that your curling in on yourself slightly didn't help her worries. Maybe, just maybe, you could pass it off as nerves.

"wwell i got an invvitation somewwhere"

"At four in the morning?"

You nodded slowly. You weren't lying, not exactly. You just weren't being very specific. You weren't sure if she was going to believe you if you told her a  _Creator_ invited you to tea, or whatever the fuck you'd end up doing. "yeah i think theyre in a different timezone" This only caused mother to look more perplexed, despite the fact that her mouth wasn't visible while it was closed. "How would they invite you somewhere then??"

You kind of coughed slightly. "ill ask them to message you about it themselvves" You went to reach for your palmhusk, but you were interrupted halfway. "Eridan, you haven't told me what's gone on for so long. I'd like to hear it from  _you._ " You grimaced slightly. "methinks you wwouldnt believve me if i told you" You murmured, and she only sighed. "I will."

And so, after a moment bracing yourself, you looked up to meet her eyes. You didn't understand why you were quite so nervous about telling her. Perhaps it was simply because you didn't want to go.

"one a the creators invvited me round" You didn't have to be able to see her expression to tell she would be frowning if she was actually capable. "see i SAID ill just get her to message you" 

"No- if you say so, I believe you." You couldn't stop your gaze snapping back up from your palmhusk. You were dumbfounded. "oh really" You raised an eyebrow. You didn't know why it felt so elating for someone to finally listen to you. "Yes. Yes, I'll believe you. I would still like her to message me, though, to confirm details." 

You let yourself sigh in relief, nodding as you got back into Vriskagram to type up a quick explanation. 

"its appreciated"


	9. The Fortunate Assistance of Rose Lalonde

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose realizes Kanaya forgot to drink more blood Like A Fool. Basically fluff. That's all this chapter is. It's also pretty short though, so.

**Reader: Be Rose**

You held Kanaya close, still curled up with her on the bed as you scrolled through Vriskagram. "The cosplays this year were quite innovative. Did you see the carapace dressed as you? I think they did rather well on the skirt." She nodded, and you refrained from frowning. You _knew_ she had seen them, and you knew she had been thrilled to give them pointers. It saddened you to see the motivation drained from her this way. You laid back with her slowly, rubbing a hand over her side reassuringly. If only you could think of something she would like.

"Let's watch a movie?" She only grunted. She still hadn't cleaned off her lips, and seemed half asleep, despite the fact that she had been wide awake only an hour ago. You sighed, glancing back down to your phone screen as a notification banner slid down. So he would message you, would he?  
You tapped on it, scanning over the message.

my guardian wwants to knoww the details from you directly you gotta message her

shes at twwigsickles

only wwithout the quirk

Alright.

Again, you barely shifted closer to Kanaya as you wrote a brief message summarizing the less confusing parts of the situation to his guardian. She seemed a nice enough woman. You were only disappointed that her charge was the opposite. But then- that was your opinion. And given how upset Kanaya had been earlier, you would quite possibly have to reconsider parts of that opinion soon. "Rose Im Not Feeling Too Hot" You raised an eyebrow upon hearing her voice, grimacing as you raised a hand to her forehead. She was slightly warmer than she usually was. Putting on a soft smile, you responded.

"I would beg to differ. In both ways, unfortunately." You didn't have to feign a sigh. You couldn't have her getting sick now. Thinking back on it, it was probably because she hadn't finished her daily serving of color. It would also explain why she had been so quiet all morning. Once you established this to yourself, you nudged her, trying to get her to sit up. "I'm going to the kitchen. Would you like to come?" Though things were somewhat tense now- with everything that was going on- you were pleased when she made an effort to stand. You helped her up, sliding a hand down to hold hers as you walked.

Once you were there, she went to reach for the cupboard on your own. You raised a hand to stop her (having to stand on your toes-- she was taller than you now), turning to seat her at your table and make her comfortable. "I'll get it, don't worry." She looked slightly dismayed with how she was being pampered, raising a tired eyebrow. "Rose I Can Do It Myself" You only lifted a finger to her lips, and were it not for the color that might disturb her, you might kiss her too. Instead, you fumbled behind you for the cupboard handle for a moment to open it, properly turning and reaching for a simple brown a moment later. You thought that might be much easier for her to swallow, literally and figuratively.

"Here you are." Despite the way she had halfheartedly protested a moment before, she took it quickly, gladly downing it. You could already see that she was feeling better. Her skin, though it wasn't intentional, had taken on a slight glow. You fondly regarded the memory in which she had managed to stop glowing, and immediately come to you to show you. Your response was to clap until she got the memo, blinking on and off each time. It had been fun, to say the least. 

Once she set the bottle down, she glanced up at you, taking a moment to finish swallowing the liquid and to draw a napkin from her sylladex to wipe her mouth with. Why she hadn't done that in the first place was beyond you.

"Thank You"

"It's no trouble."

"I Love You"

"I love you too."

A moment later, she leaned up to press a kiss to your lips. You couldn't say you were unhappy with the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the Big Encounter™ will either be tomorrow's update or the next day's. You can't expect brilliant chapters every day when I update daily smh.  
> Yes, this was an excuse to write more rosemary.


	10. The Unfortunate Circumstance That Is Updating At 3 AM.

**Reader: Be the young man moving at 60 miles per hour towards his certain doom.**

God, you wished it was just the doom the game had set for you rather than this convoluted fucking mess. Perhaps, if it was just another person- if it was just, for example... Sollux? You could deal with that. You had shared a mind. But you hadn't seen Sollux in so long, and you doubted he'd miss you... even if you sometimes missed him more than you cared to admit. The separation and fusion had been immensely painful, to say the least. Sustaining oneself on pure self hatred was never a good habit, and yet, you found yourself doing it more and more these days.

Rather than continuing on that same train of thought, you turned your attention to the window, and to the structures rushing past. Bridges, shitty monuments, was that a giant painting of a naked human woman coming out of a well on the side of that building?? Personally, you had never been able to understand landdweller taste. Did they just try to be shitty for the sake of being shitty? Whatever they had done, it worked. In the end, the only survivors were landdwellers. And you were fully prepared to admit that that was entirely your own fault.

Feferi wouldn't have kept going. If you'd let her finish you off... you would have been a doomed version of yourself, for sure, but honestly, what's the difference between doomed and dead? Everyone would have suffered considerably less at her hands. She could have and would have helped. She might have even healed those who died. Maybe she'd even heal you.

It was far too late to dwell on a time long past, though. Your interest was caught suddenly by too-familiar horns, too-familiar hair, too-familiar clothes and you had to consciously prevent yourself pressing against the window to catch a better look at her. You didn't want to alarm Mother, after all. Perhaps it was just your imagination, but you thought the troll you had seen looked remarkably like...

... Your thoughts were again cut off by the car suddenly drawing to a stop. For a moment, you were confused and disorientated, until you saw the horribly drawn monstrosity directly in front of you. Dear god. You couldn't believe this is where they wanted to meet. Did they want to blind you first so it would be easier to kidnap you? But you'd already agreed to come along. Did they just want to blind you because fuck you is why?? It seemed like something that Rose would do, and she had been the one messaging you. Or maybe it was all a ploy. A plot to have you come out here and have to stare at this piece of shit all day until you got sick of it and dragged Mother home. You stepped out of the car, closing the door behind you.

Standing out there in the open air, without a car roof to impede the view, it was remarkably difficult not to hate what entirely filled your vision. Green and black scribbles of what was meant to be a statue. You waited for a couple of minutes, silently daring yourself to do it, before stepping forward to see if you were actually able to touch the disgrace. Your hand met solid material, and you frowned, confused. It felt like grainy metal, somehow. As if the metal itself was a jpeg image. You supposed now that you had seen the first wonder of the world. Its unique style almost brought you to tears.

You felt a breeze behind you, and immediately turned, tense. You relaxed slightly when nothing was there, turning back to continue caressing the base of the statue. Unfortunately, you could no longer touch the jpeg lady, as there was a real lady now in front of you, in a much more appealing format. The format didn't make up for who it was though. You were mildly amused by the fact that she was still wearing the exact same headband as when you first met. As when you first saw her, you mean. You had never actually met her. The closest you had come was allowing her to explode your computer. You could have... stopped her, if you wanted to.

Totally.

She offered a strained smile, making it clear that she was in no way enjoying this either. You didn't appreciate the bluntness in her expression. Somewhere in the back of your thinkpan, you wished you could meet her face with the blunt edges of the rings you once had. It would be an enlightening experience.

"Eridan, I presume." 

She held out a hand to shake, a gesture you hesitantly returned, slightly alarmed by how hard she squeezed your hand. You were only slightly alarmed, because the rest of your anxiety was being used on everything else wrong with this situation.

"yeah thats me"

She turned her attention to Mother, who, unfortunately, did not catch the sarcasm in her smile. Or the sheer brutality of it that told you that you were going to die tonight, it wasn't going to be pretty and you needed psychiatric help that she wasn't going to give. 

"And you're CB?"

"Yes, I am."

"I hope you don't mind me taking your charge for a trip."

"Not at all."

Something in you had the nerve to feel betrayed.

"We'll be back before school starts on Monday. How's that?"

"But... it's a long weekend?"

Rose only smiled ominously. You felt like you were going to fucking piss yourself, right here, in front of everyone. Thankfully, your body instead decided to clamp the fuck up and refrain from excreting embarrassing fluids.

"He'll be back."

You waved stiffly, and you were gone- not like the wind that you had supposed, however. It felt a lot like dying, only more compressed, and you weren't actually dead at the end of it. 

Your feet soon slammed down on solid ground, and you swayed, disorientated by the sudden shift. A voice rang out from behind the two of you.

"Youre Back"


	11. The Unfortunate Circumstance Of Eridan's Crushed Expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow i didn't update for two months.

**Reader: Be CB**  
  
Oh creators. Where the fuck is your son???

**Reader Worry About Mother Dearest Later Please This Is My Story**

"Youre Back" 

Rose nodded, leading Eridan around and toward you. She nudged his back slightly toward you, as if to make him walk, but he was frozen on the spot. You weren't even sure he was looking at you- more like through you. You grimaced, crouching down to his level as Rose pulled out her phone. You had spent the entire morning trying to prepare for this, and in your idealized situation, he had at least been able to speak to you. Without him to instigate conversation, you found yourself lost for any form of greeting, and eventually, you settled on what finally came to mind.

"It Seems Like Half A Lifetime Since I Last Saw You" You offered, only for his expression to shift to mortified. You weren't certain what was wrong for a moment, before the realization struck you like a beam to the stomach, and you tensed up slightly. Of course he was upset about that. Who wouldn't be? "That Is To Say I Cant Say I Expected To See You Running About" He was clearly on the edge of either tears or sickness, and looked torn between them. Rose put a hand on your back, staring down at you with a critical gaze that made you cringe. Her expression read clear: She would offer to speak for you again, but it would be odd when you were face to face with Eridan, who made an odd sound in the back of his throat. "I" You paused. "I Am Trying To Say That I Did Not Expect You To Return" You offered, and though he didn't look any sicker, he had a sort of anticipation to him that was far worse than the illness. You weren't sure what it was about it, but it was almost as if he had accepted what wasn't to come.

"yeah" It sound awfully choked, and your brow twitched down in concern. You had forced yourself to leave your lipstick on the dresser today, and it was a good thing, too, as you had subconsciously tried to decaptchalogue it. "Lets Head Inside" You nodded toward the door, left ajar, deciding to let him walk on his own. Something about your expression must have frightened him, though, because he walked ahead of you, fiddling with the bottom of his shirt. You sat down at the table as he awkwardly waited by the door, gesturing to the seat across from you. Rose had followed you, and was, for whatever reason, holding her phone up. Eridan sat down, and you could see the hesitance in the way he moved. His breathing hitched often, and he blinked away tears frequently. You couldn't possibly see what he was thinking, to make him react this way, but it couldn't be anything good.

He avoided eye contact. He refused to look at you and you had to resist the surge of anxiety coming over you. You knew it was your fault he was like this. You knew he hadn't had the help you had, and you couldn't help but think that you would have kept him from getting it if you'd known about him when you were just a bit younger. He eventually spoke up, and his tone wobbled even moreso than was usual for him, more stormy than wavy. "wwhatd you evven wwant me for" You could hear the beginning of a sob at the end, and it was poorly kept silent. His fins were pinned back hard, which you recognized as submission of a sort, though you couldn't place which. You really weren't an expert on the matter, despite the seadwelling grubs you had reared over the years. You had to wipe your eyes yourself, though you passed it off as adjusting your hair absentmindedly. You weren't sure what, exactly, made you want to hide it, but the urge was overwhelming. And besides, you could see him doing the same.

"Is It So Bad To Want To See You" Your tone came out a bit harsher than expected. That wasn't really the reason, you'd rather stay a mile away from him if you could. "Though I Must Say This Isnt What I Came To Expect From You You Havent Commented On My Ashen Quadrant Even Once" You had hoped for a laugh of sorts, though you knew he weren't the type, silence at worst. Instead, he almost seemed to whimper, as though your words were a threat, though you couldn't possibly see how they could be. Eventually, he spoke again.

"if youre gonna off me just do it already no need to drag this out longer than it oughta be"

You were stunned, and you could nearly feel bile rising to the back of your throat. You forced it back down, staring at him with wide eyes, though you couldn't pretend the latter was unusual. "What" When you didn't get a response, you spoke again. "Why Would I" You trailed off. "You Didnt Honestly Think That That I Would Go To This Fucking Effort To Get You Here" You felt your temper rising slightly, and tempered it slightly before speaking again. "That I Would Go Through All This Shit Just To Have You Culled" Although you didn't sound calmer, you certainly felt it, and it showed in your posture too. "cant imagine wwhy else youd wwant me here" You honestly couldn't believe him. After so long, he couldn't comprehend something so simple? Your anger dissolved into horror. It was your fault. What had he seen you as for all these years- sweeps- centuries? Time in the bubbles to time spent here, perhaps even adding up to millennia. 

Perhaps you were overthinking it. There was no way he could spend all this time thinking of you and yet, after so long, after so fucking long he was stupid enough to think he was coming here to die. You could feel tears, but you honestly couldn't care less. He'd expected you to hate him for that long, and you should have, and yet somehow, you found yourself unable to hate him entirely. Despite your mutual deaths, and his killing Feferi, and his threatening to join Jack, it had been so long, and you...

You had to admit it.

"I Missed You"

Something in him seemed to click, but immediately slid out of place again.

"you shouldnt"

"I Know"

"wwhy"

"That Is What I Dont Know"

"Did You Miss Me"

He was silent. Perhaps the question was a bit loaded, but you felt you needed to know.

"Eridan Did You Miss Me"


	12. The Unfortunate Circumstances Regarding Awkward Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WOW I REALLY NEED TO UPDATE MORE???

**Reader: Be mortified**

"I Missed You"  
  
You froze mentally. You really, really wanted to believe her. You'd once been able to call her a friend, or you'd felt that you could- you liked to think that she might want to again, too. It had dawned on you long ago though, upon one of many contemplative sessions in the dream bubbles post-Erisolsprite, that she had never really considered you a friend in the first place. A game, perhaps. You couldn't easily blame her for it. In the back of your mind, you were determined to drive her away the entire time.  
  
And that's exactly what you had done, what you still intended to do because fuck, what else was there to do? Make amends? What was the point of that?

"you shouldnt"

You watched her carefully as her expression softened somewhat, trying not to make it obvious your eyes were on her. Of course they were. You had to be conscious of her every movement, if you wanted to be okay.

"I Know"

You furrowed your eyebrows. She wasn't _stupid_ in the least, and why she'd let her emotions get the better of her like this was beyond you. You couldn't say you had ever gone all too well with your own emotions, so perhaps it was hypocritical, but she had always struck you as the type to be able to distance herself from all of that and make clearheaded decisions.  
In other words, you couldn't be more wrong.

"wwhy"

You leaned forward slightly, unsure as to why you felt ever so slightly more at ease. Perhaps it was because anything would put you more at ease than facing your eminent death. Your eyes flickered over Rose briefly. Somehow, you trusted her less than Kanaya. And you were stuck in a hive with the two of them. You had spent all night being sick with worry, and now you had the promise of a week spent here looming over your head. Brilliant.

"That Is What I Dont Know"

Another absolutely charming scowl from you. How flimsy the answer was bothered you, how easily it could be changed, how easily she could change her mind. But she had promised not to kill you.  
Once, long ago, you had promised not to kill her too. It would have been 

fuckin unconscionable

And, you know, it was exactly that when it happened. You had been right..

"Did You Miss Me"

The question really caught you off guard, stunning you into silence. It wasn't as if you wanted to answer that though. After her almost heartfelt seeming confessions toward you, you didn't want to crush her. And not just because of your overwhelming anxiety about the whole situation that forced you into remaining agreeable.

"Eridan Did You Miss Me"

You bit down on the inside of your lower lip, trying to remain calm. What the fuck were you meant to say? That you had? You didn't even know whether that would be a lie or not. Your pusher sped up slightly, and your hesitation continued. You felt as if you didn't have much time- which was probably accurate, given her attitude toward how long you had taken so far.

"i"

Your voice died down in the back of your throat. How hard was it for him to just say it? He fucking hated her for so many reasons, and as far as he was concerned, many of them were entirely justified! But...  
He'd had... fantasies, late at night, when he knew he wouldn't have anyone disturbing him. Of literally anyone from the game saying it was okay, he was okay, he was forgiven and it had all just been a bad dream. That they could all grow close again, like he must have forgotten they were, because he knew at some point they had to be. Why else would they play together?

"um"

Your voice cracked embarrassingly. It was a terrible situation overall.

"i guess"

Rose seemed to perk up slightly from her rightful spot, which was far from you. You weren't too keen to find out why, nor were you keen on finding out what exactly she planned. You supposed that, those two could very well mean the same thing.

"You See"

You hated the confidence she she seemed to exude. Why was she so much more okay with this than you? Was she? Was she just covering her nerves up? Fuck, you were a growing kid, you didn't need stress like this. You allowed yourself amusement at the thought, remembering how it had been on Alternia.

"We Ought Be Able To Find Some Common Ground Then"

You really wished you were brave enough to stand up there and then and say that no, you were most certainly _not_ entertaining her theatrics, that if she wanted to fix things she should have sooner, that she should have looked for you, why didn't she look for you.

Why didn't anyone look for you? You glanced away from her again. Rose cleared her throat awkwardly.  
"Tea, anyone?"

You didn't even like tea, so you were surprised as anyone would have been at your nodding silently in agreement. Anything to offer an excuse to discontinue this conversation, and furthermore your life would be appreciated, thank you very much.

Rose stood up, the image of grace as she stumbled over a discarded pile of alchemized junk to get to the kitchen. You watched her, then became unpleasantly aware of Kanaya's eyes on you, as she still waited for a response.

You wanted to launch right into accusations, admittedly. Why didn't she look for you? Wasn't she ashamed? Why didn't she look for anyone? What kind of creator does that?... Why didn't they remember you?  
Not once had you heard a story about yourself. You had been brushed to the side like the junk Rose should have moved, or probably discarded.

"wwhy noww"

You didn't expect _her_ to look surprised. "We Really Did Believe You To Be Dead You Know I Was Quite Certain" Of course she was. Of course , you knew what she'd done to your corpse after your death. Drained it, almost entirely. It was... only fitting. It was your fault that she was a rainbow drinker now.

"nevvermind" You let conversation die again, the only sound being that of the kettle boiling. "Are You In Contact With Anyone Else"

You almost scoffed at the question. If you had been, you would have invited them. You wouldn't be quite as terrified, either, but you didn't mention that. "course not"

"Then Why Did You Not Try To Message Us" You stared blankly at her, glad to be interrupted by the arrival of two cups, one tinted gold. You felt ill, as if that was your own blood, even though you knew it wasn't. Your stupid pan was still hard-wired to associate that color with you, thanks to Erisolsprite.

"you can guess right" Rose must have noticed something going on, because she lifted the television remote to turn on webflix, as if for a peaceful distraction. You were... unnerved, by the effort, even if it was intended to be friendly.

If this was all you had to deal with, you thought, as you allowed yourself to recline slightly with the hot mug of tea, you could get used to this, at least for a little while.


End file.
